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While the McDonald’s specialty drink is a welcome treat to some, like one Squall reporter, it is an ‘abomination’ to another and a disgrace to shakes everywhere
WRITTEN BY QUINN HILLA AND KADEN JENSEN
Every February, when McDonald’s decides to release its signature seasonal hit, the Shamrock Shake, fans are divided. Off-put by high-sugar content and an eerie green color, opponents of the Shamrock Shake decry its release as the worst time of the year. However, shake supporters claim that the minty beverage injects enthusiasm into an otherwise lackluster time of year. Two Squallers go head-to-head to determine who is right.
Kaden: Mint: an underused, unassuming, and often unappreciated herb. When paired with vanilla ice cream, mint transforms McDonald’s standard shake into a St. Patrick’s Day superstar.
The blended, creamy texture of the Shamrock Shake helps complement its smooth flavor. The Shamrock Shake is simply the best St. Patrick’s special because the mint is smooth and not overbearing.
Avoiding a toothpaste flavor is important for any minty dessert, but the addition of the whipped cream ensures that the Shamrock Shake does not fall victim to a trap that ensnares many similarly flavored desserts. The Shamrock Shake is one of the only successful St. Patrick’s Day desserts for this reason. The month of March often suffers from poor, dreary weather and a Shamrock Shake could be just the thing to cheer you up on a cloudy day.
Depending on how much of a shamrock celebration you want, the Shamrock Shake is offered in multiple sizes ranging from small to large. This shake shows a happier, better side of the traditional March holiday while managing to stay in stock even after St. Paddy’s day passes.
Quinn: Hatred is not a single unified emotion; it is a composite of many other emotions, such as moral disgust, rage, resentment and fear. But the components add up to what can end up looking like a single integrated emotion – a negative and often extremely intense one.
I, however, do not feel even a single ounce of guilt for the sheer hate I have for the McDonald’s Shamrock Shake.
Just the thought of that repulsive green mash that has the nerve to identify itself as a milkshake makes my blood boil. It’s a true abomination to the food community. Every day when I wake up, I curse God that I have to wake up and survive another day in a world that also holds a Shamrock Shake. My life has been consumed by this absolute loathe for this drink. I spend every hour of every day praying on its downfall.
To start, this is literally a toothpaste-flavored milkshake. Mint is a flavor made for gum or candy canes, not a flavor that should be mixed into a green paste and be consumed in a large cup. The McDonald’s Shamrock Shake in an insult to anyone with taste buds.
Mint and chocolate should never mix. Mint isn’t even from Ireland; it’s from the Mediterranean. So, mint has nothing to do with St Patrick’s Day besides the fact that it’s green. There are plenty of other green things that would be better: apple, lime, hell, even a lettuce-flavored shake would be better.
You could also go with an orange or gold-themed shake (orange or caramel flavored). There’s truly no excuse for this. It would be easier to just make a vanilla shake and put green food dye in like every other company.
Anyone who claims to enjoy this abomination is gaslighting themselves.
